


Longing

by AnonimusUnnoan



Series: Kuroshitsuji (where reader is Ciel's cousin) [5]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Arranged Marriage, Crying, F/M, Marriage Proposal, Not real ciel, Our Ciel - Freeform, Sadness, Smut, Victorian, Victorian Attitudes, illicit relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-06-23 19:23:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15613251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonimusUnnoan/pseuds/AnonimusUnnoan
Summary: When a lady comes of age it is only proper that she is to be married to the highest bidder. Such are the rules of the society of Victoria. However, a well kept secret of a relationship with one most charming butler throws a wench into those plans.From the same universe as that of "Good Morning my lady", a multichapter fic, about how despite all odds how a woman makes her illicit love survive.





	1. Prologue

There has never been so dark a night. A night with no hope. A night so lost, so unknown. A night that is never ending. “My feelings for him, are like a wave, a tsunami, sweeping me off my feet and I’ve forgotten how to swim…” The quill scratches the parchment paper the light of the lone candle, flickering weakly yet casting a golden glow over the wooden table. “I am lost without him. Like a ship in stormy waters, tossed on the waves. The wind, tearing at my sails, reminiscent of how his nails would tear at my skin.” Shadows dance on the walls behind you. “A heart that’s capsizing, clinging on to the last bit of hope – desperate, calling…” and in your dreams calling, crying, pleading, only for him.


	2. Chapter 1: A Nocturnal Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected visit in the night, a long awaited touch.

_“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope...I have loved none but you.”_

_  
―_ **_ [Jane Austen](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1265.Jane_Austen) _ ** _,_ **_ [Persuasion](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2534720) _ **

 

There was only one thing you could look forward to in the coming ball. That there would be masks. So as to hide your tears from the men and women who would be gathered there. The Midford family was a highly esteemed one. And that you were related distantly would mean definitely that there would be suitors swooping in left right and centre. Exactly what your parents wanted. After having been introduced into society it wasn’t supposed to have taken long for someone to pick you up and take you home. However, much to the surprise of the baron and baroness their little girls’ suitors never stayed long enough to properly court her, disappearing soon after the first few tries.

You knew better. The disappearances were as unnatural as the man – if you could even call him that – who caused them. The same man who you knew you could never, yet yearned to have. To be with; in the same way your parents expected you to be with one of the suitors who would try and catch your eye at the upcoming ball. How relieved you had been to hear that there were masks involved. A sudden tapping sound outside your window made you jump. You sighed. There were few, who would come to you at this time of night, and only one who would do so by veranda. Getting up from your vanity you headed over to the large French windows and pulling aside the heavy curtain you unlocked it only to be swept up in the arms of your lover, being kissed passionately by him. The cold lips burning feverishly against your skin. You giggled and pulled away to catch a breath allowing him to push the both of you inside the room. “Sebastian, to what do I owe this pleasure!” You say.

“I had to see you my lady” came the response. His hands were on your shoulders and he was squeezing you gently. Something you found comforting. “We have been asked to go to the ball by the queen. Ciel cannot refuse.”

            “This is wonderful news Sebastian!” you said you him. “But you and I will still not be allowed to dance together…”

            “Well, that is what I had to come to speak to you about. You see, the young master is still under age and thus requires a chaperone to accompany him to the event. I am to be disguised as said chaperone and will be going as the boy’s tutor.” The smug look that painted itself across his face reminded you of a cat that has just caught his prey and is greatly pleased with his work. Sebastian, you knew, was no ordinary man.

It had been a late summer evening when you had learned of his true identity. The young master had had some guests that you had not known about. They turned out to be trying to extort money from him. You had been wandering aimlessly along the corridors of Phantomhive Manor after a refreshing afternoon nap, which was when you came unto the room they had been in. Hearing voices from within you pushed the door open a crack and peered inside to see. What you witnessed that day changed your life completely; although you wouldn’t say in a bad way. Shadows growing longer, through the rays of the setting sun illuminated the room. In the far end, your young cousin – Ciel standing impassive as his kind, courteous, and ridiculously handsome butler towered over the goons who dared threaten his young master. The shadows that you saw covering the room seemed to be defying all laws of physics and emanating from Sebastian himself. When you had chanced to look up to his face, you saw the usually brown eyes replaced by a gleaming fiery red, that glinted in the dark. The eyes had looked up and met yours sending a hot flash of fear down to your toes. You fled the scene terrified. Later in the night when the butler had knocked on your door you held a knife to his throat and threatened him. He merely laughed and told you simply of the deal that he and Ciel had made and the reason for what you had seen that day. It was true that he hadn’t gone into great detail when he had told you about it. He was bound to his young master after all, but he assured you that he would not be the one harming Ciel, and instead was working for the boy. He also made one thing very clear; Ciel did not, and should never know that you know of the deal. The consequences would be terrible.

And so you had kept one secret, and slowly that became two, the night Sebastian visited you in your chambers, in Phantomhive Manor, and spoiled you for any other man in all of the Queen’s land.

You welcomed the feeling of warm lips on yours. It had been a while since the two of you had seen each other. Even longer since you had touched. “Sebastian…” you whispered through the fervent kisses. “Will you stay?”

He shook his head. “I cannot my lady. The young master is to wake up early for his classes tomorrow. I must return to the Manor to prepare for them.” You sighed onto his lips. You had dared to wish, to hope, that the two of you could sleep in each other’s embrace after so long. You dared to imagine yourself lying under his lean torso, close enough to feel the heat from his skin against your own.

A kiss.

“My lady… That does not mean I can’t spend a few hours.” The wink he gave made your heart skip a beat.

He pulled you close to him and kissed you again. This time he went softly and slowly, as if inhaling you in with every touch. His hands ran down your back and he positioned them beneath your ass, lifting you up. Your legs wrapped around his hips. They knew their place. The sheer nightgown you were wearing bunched up around your thighs. Sebastian’s mouth found its way down from your lips, slowly kissing along your jawline, dropping down to your neck. He sucked on your collarbones gently nipping from time to time. The candle light flickering made your shadows dance against the walls. A dance that only the two of you would know of…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo my childrenz. It is I, back from the land of the dead. This chapter needs a little editing but i wanted to post it anyway. Point out mistakes pwease :3 (will edit later) 
> 
> Follow my  Tumblr 


	3. Chapter 2: Burning Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure Smut.
> 
> Sebastian spends the night.

****

_“_ _The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.”_

_  
― _ **_Oscar Wilde, Picture of Dorian Gray_ **

               You could feel his warm breath against your ear as Sebastian nibbled on it. He slowly unlaced the top of your night gown; fingers trailing against your skin, before he lifted the silky fabric over your head, divesting you of your clothing. Your fingers raked through his smooth silky hair as you pulled your body close to his, your breasts pressed against his jacket. There was something he found, extremely sensuous about having you bare under his fully clothed body. A sign of your submission to all his senses… He lay you on the bed and looked you over appreciatively; scarlet eyes devouring every inch of your body. To anyone else he would have looked impassive, bordering on nonchalance, but you could see the tiny twitching of his mouth that gave away his true intentions. He was deciding where he would place his lips first. You lay below, waiting patiently, knowing that one false move could cost you the entire night. Sebastian was always strict, only his orders would be followed in the bedroom. A striking contrast from his daytime activities.

               “Touch yourself.” came his soft voice. He moved back, pulling the chair from the fireplace to face the bed and you. Then taking his jacket off he sat back in it and gestured with his gloved hand and a slight nod of his head for you to start. You let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. So, Sebastian meant to spend some time tonight. He never asked you to play with yourself otherwise. The build-up when you did was usually slow as you made sure to take your time; give him a bit of a show. You knew he loved it. Lowering your hand down; brushing against your neck; feeling your stomach; your sides, down to the soft curly hairs between your legs. Your cold fingertips a sharp contrast against your heated skin making you shiver. You breathed loud, bit your lip, and arched your back as you ran your hands against your sides, feeling your breasts, cupping them. You teased your nipples into hard peaks. In his chair, Sebastian too was feeling a tightness in his trousers. Your hands went down to your thighs. Slowly rubbing the insides. You felt yourself heating up under his unwavering gaze. As he unbuttoned his vest and then his shirt you rubbed against your mound. A slight pressure on your clit was all it took to make you gasp. “Circle around your clit.” came the voice from your right. You followed the order and parted your folds to rub your fingers around your swollen clit. It was almost painful to be so close and yet not be allowed to touch yourself. After all, it had been quite some time since you had last been together.

               Sebastian left his seat and walked over to the bed. He sat towards the end, leaning against the post and touched your calf, as if to say ‘spread your legs wider’. So, you did, offering him a full view of what you were doing with your fingers. He inhaled sharply and started unbuttoning his shirt. Smooth alabaster skin pulled taut over hardened muscles greeted your sight. His hand dropped to his trousers soon after. He slowly removed it offering you a gorgeous view of his thick hard length. He was already leaking precome. He brushed his finger over the head and reached out to you.

               “Lick.” came the order. You wrapped your lips around his finger sucking gently, savouring the taste of him, off him. His hand slid down your cheek to wrap around your neck, not choking, but there; like a collar to remind you that you belong to him. He pushed your hand away from your clit with his knee and positioned his thigh between your legs rubbing you gently. Your wetness left a glistening smear on his skin and he chuckled.

               “You seem ready for me.”

               “I am. Sebastian, please, I want you.”

               A dark chuckle once again. “Not so fast, my lady. I haven’t even started yet…” He said ignoring your whine of dissatisfaction. He would make you wait. Sebastian dipped his head low, and you felt his tongue on your folds. Poking and pushing, begging entry. His hands played with your breasts, pinching and pulling at your nipples hardening them into peaks. He licked and sucked taking your clit between his lips, egged on by your moans; first soft then gradually getting louder He pulled his glove off with his teeth and pumped one long finger into you, which was quickly followed by another. His warm breath tickled your skin and you were so close. A sudden flick of his wrist and a sharp slap on your clit made you howl out loud; quickly cut off by the demon’s free hand as your body arched in submission to your to the pain. Stars clouded your vision as you came down from the high of having your orgasm ruined.

               Satisfied with his work, Sebastian lifted himself aligning his cock with your entrance. He slowly pushed inside you expanding you to fit perfectly over his length. And then, he started moving. Sebastian didn’t give you much time to adjust, and though your body knew his, it was still a novel experience each time you were with him. Your moans soon became louder ones with his continued thrusts. Sebastian slapped his hand over your open mouth stopping you from waking the entire establishment. He pulled out of you and lifted you positioning you on all fours and facing away from him. Then he stuffed a silk handkerchief into your mouth and smirked, “Don’t wake the house.” He rammed into you from behind without warning. You let out a scream that was thankfully muffled by the cloth stuffed in your mouth. Sebastian’s hands were on your hips. His nails dug into you as he pushed inside deeper and deeper with each thrust. It didn’t take long for him to reach his end. You too felt the knot inside you tie tighter and tighter, till finally Sebastian leaned over you and bit into your shoulder. His fingers found its way to your clit once again, and he rubbed, making you tip over and subsequently himself. You came with a scream and he twisted you around pulling the cloth from your mouth and kissing you deeply; his tongue exploring your mouth, ravenous and hungry.

               Sebastian took care to pull out of you softly, gently. He brought you a cup of water and cleaned you with a washrag, eliminating any traces of his come. Before you knew it, you had drifted to sleep in your warm and comfortable bed, with Sebastian, cuddling you from behind…

***

 

               In the morning you wake up alone. Any evidence of the meeting the night before has been wiped away. The knocked over pillows and cushions from the floor have been arranged neatly as they were usually kept by Dottie – your maid who had forgotten to keep the extra cushions on the ottoman before she left you to retire for the night. The door to the balcony was shut and bolted from the inside. A demon’s trick, you always called it. It was like Sebastian had never even come.

               But your body felt differently. The places where his skin met yours burned even in memory. The trails his fingers left down your back felt like they were aflame. Even though he cleaned you up and dressed you back up in the nightdress Dottie had kept for you, the feeling of his hands lingered all over your body…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day. I'm sorry for being late (as usual). I hope this makes up for it at least a little. I decided to try something a little rougher. I hope you like it. 
> 
> If you liked this please do leave a comment I love reading them and I reply to them all. They really do fuel me. 
> 
> More on my [ tumblr ](https://www.tumblr.com/tagged/anonimuswritings)

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr   
>  in case you wanna scream/ encourage me to write faster ^_^


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